A Haunted Question.

Happy Friday everyone! I hope this week has been good for you. For me, it has been a wild ride to which I honestly didn’t feel I was fully prepared. I was drained before I started.

5604387c1b00002f0005d3df Ever had one of those weeks? I’m sure we all have at one time or another. I’m ready for some serious sleep. Introverts need sleep.

One theme that resonated as I made it through this week was: Trust. And to be completely transparent, I’ve always been scared of that word. That word doesn’t have a very good track record with me.

Let me give you a little back story.

Earlier this week, I picked up a Redbox movie and geared up for a night of introversion. Movie of choice: “The Great Gilly Hopkins.” I had NO idea what I was getting myself into…. Beautiful movie…. I just wasn’t ready…gilly

Produced in 2015 as a “comedy” (yeah right), this movie was based on the 1978 children’s book written by Katherine Paterson. She also wrote a number of books which include The Bridge to Terabithia, The Master Puppeteer, Jacob Have I loved and many others. This story, however, hit a little too close to home. The plot involves a little girl by the name of Gilly Hopkins. She was one of the well known “cases” in the foster care system. Probably recognized as a “case 3” (totally unmanageable and possible delinquent student), she stayed with more families than she could remember and pushed each family to their breaking point to once again, “send her away”. After all, her birth mother might be out there waiting for her? Letter after letter is written by Gilly, but the only thing she receives back is a postcard….

One family Gilly is sent to be unlike any other she had ever seen. Maime Trotter is a backwoods southern woman who is a little unkempt but is full of gushy words, Bible stories, and prayers- she is sure there’s a deep wound in that little girl somewhere and she was bound to find it out. Gilly tries her hardest to push Trotter to her limit. She even is almost successful at running away, but her plan falls short causing even greater heartache. Trotter doesn’t give up on Gilly. It was the first time Gilly had ever experienced love to that magnitude and that one relationship changed everything for her.

One question that stopped me in my tracks was one asked by the case worker to Gilly, “Can I trust you?”

You see, I was once asked that question by my case worker… I was twelve years old. And for the longest time, I’ve been haunted by that one word- trust. Can I be trusted? It has tormented me every time I might be “in trouble”. In fact, I’ll admit having worried myself sick over it. Is it right? Is it wrong? What did I do? Did I mess up? All these questions stem from the main question- Can I be trusted?

I am constantly learning and I don’t think I’ll ever “get” the truth that I don’t have to be perfect all the time. I can rest in the truth that there is no such thing as failure when it comes to being a Christian. I think we could all use a reminder that instead of trying so hard, we need to rest in the truth that we’re already accepted because of Jesus.

This almost sounds cheesy, I’ll admit. But grace never made sense to me. Grace doesn’t make logical sense, does it?

While it is hard, it feels soo good to let go of my logical thinking of striving to be trusted and rest in the truth that God trusts me. And when I am weak, He truly is strong.

I needed that reminder this week.

Do you have any area where you feel you have to strive to be trusted? Or that no matter what you do, it’ll never be good enough? I feel ya. I know that even the idea that I don’t have to try so hard almost seems wrong because I have been doing it for SOOO long. It’s not until I let go of my idea of trust and look to Jesus that I truly feel that “weight” lifted from my shoulders.

Do yourself a favor.

Take a deeeeeep breath. In through your nose and out your mouth.

Everything you’ve been striving for and every lie that you’re not good enough and that you cannot be trusted, hold all those feelings in your hands with your palms clenched in front of you. Hold them tight.

Feel that tension? That nauseated feeling? Feels gross, doesn’t it? Almost like a gall bladder yellow tasting feeling.

Jesus, I release to you these feelings of insecurity and striving. All those lies that I’m not good enough and that I cannot be trusted. *shake your hands until that feeling is gone* (this might take a while).

When you give something away, you need something to fill its place. So… hold out your hands. What do you need?

Jesus, I accept your truth that I’m secure in You. In my weakness, You are strong. I accept the truth that You would never leave me or forsake me- even when I mess up. You would never abandon me. I am never alone because You are with me. I accept Your peace and Your rest because You’ve given that to me as an inheritance through your blood shed on that cross. I accept Your love, In Jesus Name.

Now just take your time. Rest in that peace. I bet you feel better. I know I do. I need this reminder, just about every day.

I love you guys. I hope this blog was a breath of fresh air for you. Read it and even pass it along to those who need it. Have a great weekend.3965b78e09ba09854231445df5ce42de

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Hebrews 13:5-6 Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, “I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU,” so that we confidently say, “THE LORD IS MY HELPER, I WILL NOT BE AFRAID. WHAT WILL MAN DO TO ME?”

Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.

Psalm 91:1-15 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!” For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper And from the deadly pestilence.

Psalm 121:3-5 He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is your keeper; The LORD is your shade on your right hand.

2 Timothy 1:12, For this reason, I also suffer these things, but I am not ashamed; for I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day.

 

 

 

2 thoughts on “A Haunted Question.

  1. Would love to hear a bit more of your testimony. We have an adopted son, and there are so many questions… about the way he thinks, and what is missing for him, and how God can fill in those gaps. I know HE can! Our scripture for him: When my mother and father forsake me, then the Lord will take me up. He used our hands to take up a little boy, but only God can make the man. God is so good at making us healthy!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow! Thank you so much for reading my blog! I understand how there are a ton of questions. I’m still working through all of my questions. That is beautiful that you said yes to adoption! I’m praying for you and your family as Papa shows you and your son the story of redemption 😀

      Like

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