When The Daughters Speak

There are times in this journey we call life where time seems to stand still and you come to a crossroad between victim and victor. It is in those moments where you’re faced with a choice.

  1. Remain in hiding.
  2. Tell the story to set others free.

On August 1st, I have been given an incredible opportunity to let my voice be heard as part of a panel to share my journey with Papa to about oh the entire women’s ministry.

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Honestly it feels like the point of no return. And in a sense… it really is.

I feel like Bilbo Baggins except I’m not 50 years old.

 

Challenge: 20 minutes. Share your story of how Papa has healed you “From the Inside Out”.

(Wow!!! that’s a catchy theme! They should make a movie out of that…. Oh wait…never mind)

I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve had this opportunity… More like two fingers…. And as with so many breakthroughs, the enemy loves to defeat us before we ever get started.

Lies always come to make you hide.

  • What if the story is too graphic?
  • There are so many things “they don’t know”…
  • What is going to happen if you get tongue tied and you freeze?
  • What if you invite someone and they’re shocked by the story?
  • You’re not writing, you’re actually speaking… not in hiding… but in the open…

I went through the day without even thinking and begin to feel horrible. I had frogs in my throat and it was just nasty. My hands were clammy and so were my toes. I pondered about it.

“Why the heck do I feel this way?”  I felt nauseated.

And then it hit me….. Shame…

Shortly after it hit me, I heard a sweet whisper that spoke truth to me.

“What is it about your story that you feel you deserve to accept that shame in exchange for My love?”

See shame has a way of robbing you of your joy in exchange for a lie. Shame is not your identity. When you partner with it, you agree with a false identity of who you really are.

But the truth is….I KNOW who I am.

I have nothing to be ashamed of. Papa healed every wound. I am whole.

Some of those stages of healing is done in layers because Papa is patient and kind.

He’s such a good Father.

My Papa has always been there for me. He Never once abandoned me.

Papa brought me through a broken home.

My biological dad was Muslim who committed suicide when I was four years old.

My birth mom was a very broken girl that believed the lies of the enemy through her body.

I was born crippled.

I was placed in foster care, taking care of my sister when I was 12 years old.

Even then Papa never once left us.

In the depths of those dark nights, He was right there, holding us.

He heard every prayer as those tears fell down our cheeks.

I graduated with honors and held everyone at a distance because I was broken.

Papa drowned my every fear in His perfect Love.

I believed in Jesus at a young age but didn’t trust enough to know Papa’s love.

That was until Love broke down every wall to find me.

He used those broken things so that I could be free.

He let me feel His love through forgiveness.

And for the first time I could breathe.

And I will never be the same.

My name is Haley Taylor and I am the daughter of the Most High King.

And I won’t stop writing or speaking until those orphans, who are broken, is set free from the chains that bound me.

22 thoughts on “When The Daughters Speak

    1. I’ve asked that question many times. Not just about shame, but bitterness and unforgiveness too.
      Letting go is hard, but the exchange of glory and honor makes it worth it. Jesus crowns US with glory and honor. The King of everything crowns us!! If we let go of shame and fear and hurt and all those things that make us feel worthless and exposed, we’re not going to be left empty and abandoned. Be encouraged.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. What if I don’t like wearing the crown? What if I don’t like what He fills me with when He fills the empty places?

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        1. I don’t have all the answers. All I know is that He is good. He gives good things. If He is good and gives good things, then the issue isn’t with Him it’s us. Trust maybe. Maybe even fear that He isn’t good and that we would be vulnerable to the Unknown. Both are scary. Both would cause us to keep what hurts us. I’m sorry you feel that way. That’s a very broken place. But know that He is good.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. How do I know that He is good? I’m sorry to sound like some kind of crazy atheist, but I’ve seen some pretty weird and horrible things in my life and I’ve tried to trust God through it all but some days it seems like He’s just left us on our own to dangle.

            Of course, you may not be able to answer this and that’s fine. I know that on some level that He is good, I just can’t see it at this very moment.

            Don’t mean to pester you.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. You’re not pestering. And no, you don’t sound like a crazy atheist. They are honest questions that everyone asks. I think we all go through that place of doubt and pain, me included. Some are just too insecure to ask them because we’re afraid of the reactions and fear even more rejection. We’re taught not to trust through our experiences and through the news media with all the negative cogitations.
              It’s a wonder we even trust ourselves, and some don’t.
              I grew up feeling abandoned. I didn’t believe God heard me when I prayed or even cared because I had been let down so many times. I didn’t believe He was good. I know that surprises people, but it’s the truth. I thought He abandoned me. I didn’t trust Him because I saw myself as worthless and unlovable because my dad left us through suicide. I blamed God for all of that. I was so angry on the inside and so broken.
              I’m not going to say healing took place over night because it didn’t. All I know is I had to go to what the word says instead of how I felt. I don’t know about you, but my feelings deceive me all the time, especially being female. I can be quite hormonal. One moment I want to jump off the walls, then the next I want to curl up on the couch seclude myself and eat every piece of junk food I can get my hands on.
              All I know is that my life changed when I experienced God for myself and not for what others said. I actually sat in my bathroom floor and screamed all of my emotions out to Him and all of my hurts and I cried until I was dehydrated. I went to His word and read what it said. He is good because He took my pain away. He is good because there’s no more bitterness in my heart. He is good because I hated myself and my situation and now I want to actually help people through what tore me apart. Instead of bitterness, tears of mercy flow from my eyes.
              It is truly an experience and not just words on a page.
              Psalm 147.3 says He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. So I told God, “My heart hurts. This pain feels real. I need you to take the pain away. I give you my hurts. I give you the abandonment.
              I accept your peace and your comfort because this is heart and it’s hard to trust you right now.”
              Isaiah 41.10 says “fear not, for I am with you; don’t be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” So because I didn’t believe that at the time, I asked God to hold me until His truth became real to me.
              Some people call the Bible a crutch. I don’t really care what they call it. We’re all broken without Papa’s love. I experienced His love by giving Him my pain. I forgave Him for not meeting my idea of provision and taking that accusation off of Him. I forgave myself for not meeting my expectation of perfection and I took myself off that chopping block. Once I did that, I could breathe for what seemed to be the first time.
              I believe He is good because He said He is good in His word and through experience. And I believe His word because He is the only one who could make the pain go away.
              Thank you. Thank you for going to that place of vulnerability and asking. I know it’s hard and even scary because of the chance of rejection all over again. You’re safe.

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              1. Thank you for taking the time to write back.

                “my dad left us through suicide”

                I’m so sorry to hear that. There were times when the only thing that kept me alive was knowing how devasted the people around me would be if I died. I remember several times when I begged God to take me home. I guess I feel pretty good at the moment but I often look back and wish that He had taken me home. It would have been like tearing off the band aid, I suppose. But maybe not.

                “He is good because He took my pain away.”

                What do I do until He takes my pain away? Not that I expect you to have an answer for that. I want to honor your experience but at the same time, I feel like there is this part of me that has been waiting for things to get better, you know? And I don’t want to just sit and nod and say “Amen!” Although maybe I should. I feel like I’ve gotten into so much trouble by refusing to go along. (I wrote a little about that here: He is good because He took my pain away. )

                “Some people call the Bible a crutch. I don’t really care what they call it. We’re all broken without Papa’s love.”

                I definitely don’t think the bible is a crutch. And I know I’m broken.

                “You’re safe.”

                Really? Is anyone safe?

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                1. You’re welcome. And I can tell you what to do until the hurt goes away because I did it. You HAVE TO Stand on what the Word says and NOT what you feel. If that means reading Romans and Colossians and Galatians outloud DO IT!! Find some scriptures that you identify with (that really mean something to you) and stand on those scriptures until your feelings match what the word says. Read them outloud, put them in your pocket, take dry erase marker and write on your bathroom mirror. Do whatever it takes until the pain goes away.
                  Then KEEP STANDING.
                  “Is anyone safe?” In this world? Maybe not. But in God? ALWAYS.

                  Liked by 1 person

  1. We have to set them free, my friend. The only story that is worse than our own is the story that does not know Christ’s freedom. For everyone of us that are set free, there are still a million who live in captivity.

    Fear today, peace forever.
    Shame today, glory for eternity.
    Release today, freedom never ending!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is timely! Thank you for sharing. I am preaching on this exact thing on Sunday and wouldn’t you know it, I just got hit with a wave of discouragement tonight as I’m preparing for it. But I know God will use it to further the message of his perfect love and grace that are the antidote for shame. God’s perfect timing brought me to your post and I am grateful. Blessings.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow!!! That’s crazy!!! Humbled Papa used my words to speak to you in this moment. I speak hope and joy into your heart as you share this Sunday. Intimidation is NOT part of our identity and I release Papa’s love over you to share in boldness and His authority!!
      Thank you soo much for reading and commenting on this post. Be blessed chica!!!

      Liked by 1 person

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